Thursday, January 3, 2013

New Year, New Resolve... Again

I find myself saying the same thing this new year as I did last year: This is going to be the year that I get to my goal weight.  This year, I say the same thing with the shame of failure, a couple more extra pounds, and  frazzled confidence.  My pastor gave a sermon last week about how instead of resolving to take things out of your life (stop eating sugar, quit smoking, etc), why not resolve to add to your life?  My resolution: gain confidence in my abilities and my appearance again. 

If you've read any of my other posts regarding weight loss, then you can easily ascertain that I'm still on this journey and still just "kicking stones around" so-to-say.  I haven't really hit my stride yet.  I've had some successes but slowed again by my own self-sabotage.  I'm now faced with a choice : Continue beating myself up (and eating because I'm frustrated) or learning from the past year, forgiving myself, and moving on.  Somewhere I heard that the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result.  I've been in this cycle of "punishing" myself for not "getting it together" and getting down to a healthy weight (because somehow, thin people "have it together"...?).  Even when I was a healthy weight, I was doing the same thing for not having a bikini-ready body.  So I think I'm going to stop doing that and try forgiving myself.  I choose to learn, forgive, and move on.  Because how could continuing to punish myself possibly accomplish my goal to be more confident?

I found inspiration in this post by Kris at Wierd Unsocialized Homeschoolers.  A saying that she has posted on her refrigerator really spoke to me: "Every opportunity adds to or subtracts from the results".  I found that I can apply this concept to not only the big decisions, but the little ones as well.  The opportunity to get help losing weight and the opportunity I have with each food choice; the opportunity to exercise, the opportunity to sleep in.  Each of those opportunities requires a choice and I can choose whatever I want because I'm a grown-up.  But that's where my thought-process has stopped, it hadn't gone past that to "...but each choice either adds to or subtracts from" my goal. 

Hello Weight Watchers, we meet again...  I've chosen to follow the Weight Watchers program again because I've been successful with it in the past.  I like their new approach and how they've realized that not all calories are created equal and that real, whole foods are much better than "diet foods".  I also like that I haven't totally blown the program if I eat a piece of birthday cake washed down with a soda.  Don't get me wrong, birthday cake and soda aren't staples of my diet, but  I'd be lying if I don't go to my happy place when I bite into a piece of sweet, fluffy, over-sugary goodness that is cake.  And the "permission" to eat it helps me to practice some restraint instead of eating 3 slices because it's the last cake I'm going to eat forever (or until the next birthday party... I seem to overlook that part) because I'm "eating healthy" now like a responsible adult. 

So wish me luck, and feel free to stop by and see how this year's journey turns out.  I'm still working out some scheduling and technical difficulties with my blog and am not posting as often as I should.  If anyone knows how I can add space for my pictures I'd really appreciate some advice.  It seems that I've reached some sort of space limit on photos for my blog and can't upload anymore and have to link to it somehow in another way, but I can't seem to figure it all out...  But I promise if you leave me a comment, I'll respond back to you.  :)  It's all about accountability for me right now, so it would be a huge help if I had people asking me how I'm doing in this public forum.  :)  Or if you just want to check back from time to time to see how I'm doing, I'll be sure to keep you all posted.  Expect this year's posts to have a lot more healthy recipes (sorry chocolate cake with peanut butter frosting), updates on my progress, and the tips and tricks that are working for me. 

Every opportunity adds to or subtracts from the results. 

How about you, have you resolved (like just about everyone else) to lose weight or make a healthy change this year?  What is your plan to achieve that goal?

Shared At: Your Thriving Family

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